The vitamins list...

The nightly routine:

1. Blackmores Slow Release Multi
2. Blackmores Fish Oil Omega 3
3. Ginko Biloba
4. Garlic + C
5. Blackmores B Complex

I take B Complex to allow me to sleep through the night. Apparently, it helps with the anxiety of actually having to go to bed. I think my mind is more active when I sleep...I seem to slip through 'scenarios' often and each session is like turning chapters over a collection of short stories; some my own but more often that of other's. It makes for good writing if only I had the vocabulary for it.

But since on the diet, I have decided to take supplements to keep up with the rigours of daily life and replenish the energy which is being replaced with the burning of fat into Carbo to turn into sugar without the external resource of binge eating. The body's need for sugar is where all the weight is being lost to.

I wrote a lengthy blog yesterday regarding some of my contemplations and lost it during transit. I suppose it was really controversial that if you've read it, you might feel a little insulted though that was not the intention. People are overtly sensitive these days and I guess what I wrote wouldn't have helped the situation. That I guess was Fate interjecting and my Psyche playing a fast one on me. Thank you!

Reading other people's blog, it makes me wonder why I am less interested in current affairs per say. I grew up as a political teenager, went to realise my dream working with bureaucrats and came out jaded. I can never imagine living in Singapore what I termed as a mindless vacuum of existence but I am also against superficial activism. Thus these days I am far too aware of the double-speak and therefore am less interested with political views which are not my own. I guess change takes place from within before you can live someone else's dream. How can you know what they represent if you don't know where you yourself stand in the scheme of things or to a larger magnitude, the cosmos?

One of my many flaws is what I call 'perception deception'. When I meet a particular race or person, I tend to impose my expectations on that single interaction. I am unyielding when it comes to this and I judge a book by its cover. People should be responsible for their own actions. I am also easily put off by people lacking in resolutes. I yearn to be inspired, appreciated and in return provide for that friendship but often People are broken to the point of disrepair. Without them knowing, they inspire others to despise. Hating is not part of me but a growing cancer that is perpetuated by these experiences. I am working towards curbing my negative experiences without tainting others in the process.

As I get older, I am becoming more and more indignant as well. 'Anger' is also one of my many afflictions...anger without regret. I have no time for procrastinators though at times I am burdened by my own inactions. I am appalled by cowardice though at times I prefer not to speak my mind because I lack self-control. I have an aversion to People letting Fate take over their lives but often I am thankful that things don't go my way because I will not look back on collateral damage for forgiveness. Pride is my security insecurity.

So where do I stand these days as I get older? Can you live life without Karma - no interaction, no intervention, no existence except for the bills that arrive in your mailbox that says who's who is living on the premises? I really don't know but for now - the journey is perilous enough and the destination should be sweet. Know me but don't fear me and I will do the same without reservation.

I surmise that Blake has got it right but I fear that I am far from the Romantic that I imagine myself to be years ago.