Sometimes I wonder...

I had picked up the other half last night and was driving home as with every other work night. The day's contemplation was trying to figure out what made different cultures/races attractive. So I asked my other half that same question. If he was looking at an Asian guy for example lets say a Chinese guy, a Malay guy, an Indian guy or a mixed race guy or any Asian for that matter - what would be the reason why he'd find them attractive?

His reply was physical appearance. Shallow I thought?! His argument was - that is what people go on these days - first impressions. So I told him that you need to lust over someone before conversing with them thus indicating that if he didn't like how you look, he'd probably wouldn't have a conversation with you. Does that mean then that he would only converse with people he finds attractive or attracted to? Conundrum?! Are we all the same for that matter?

Maybe I was being over-analytical but my reply was abit more dramatic ... the way he dresses, his demeanour, his physical appearance, his haircut, his cologne or lack there of, his linguistic skills, his upbringing, his interests, his academic qualifications etc. I realised that I am no longer attracted to mere physical appearance - my value system has somewhat evolved...for better or worse I am unsure. Am I just as shallow then to impress such criterias on strangers?

The fact is , I trust my eyes less these days... On the physical side if it came to that, I prefer my men tall and huggable. Cultured A+ ...one that wouldn't feel uncomfortable doing all sorts of things with me. Well read and thoughtful of others.

Then he went on to say that you can't have them all. That people in general are either born brawny or brainy and if you are neither then you're truly in trouble. My argument was that there might be people whom are both - that he attributed as rare which I have to agree in a way. I asked him what if I had average looks without much to go for in terms of fashion or general knowledge etc. when he first met me; his reply was that he wouldn't have said a thing to me at all. Thank God I was preppy that night I said. Ironic coz I would have at least said hi?

The thing is that I come from mixed parents myself and therefore have attributes that is not singularly Asian. The Chinese, Indo, Thai and Arab mix have somewhat manifested as well to how I look. The way that I think is based on the Americanisation of Asia and a WestMinster Educational System. I speak a couple of languages some more fluently than others. Growing up was difficult for the very reason that there was no fixed group to affiliate with. I learnt the concept of independence pretty early in my youth. Knowledge is power.

There was also that rather selfish thought of opportunistic Asian/Western relationships which erks me a little. When we first decided to migrate I was appalled by the fact that these Asians spoke very little English and the Westerners were all opportunistic paedophilic-like species of the lowest form. That was very snobbish of me. People come together for many reasons - maybe that was their comfort zone and therefore I shouldn't be so prejudicial. It is just that father-figure relationships are just bad form.

Then I asked him, my other half, whether if I spoke no English, had no career nor qualifications would he have formed the relationship that we have now. He replied with a straight "No". The idealist in me begged to differ hoping that good looks sometimes do offset the benign but then I felt a little crossed with myself for lowering my standards. Dilemma?

Still attraction is an elusive concept. How often have we seen gorgeously looking people with utterly unflattering partners? Maybe it is what it is; beauty being in the eye of the beholder.

Unanswered and exhausted by counter-arguments, we made our way to the in-laws for that scheduled evening roast listening to the wireless in silence.