Are you a cheerleader?

Give me an J : J
Give me an U : U
Give me an V : V
Give me an E : E
Give me an N : N
Give me an I : I
Give me an L : L
Give me an E : E

What does it say ? JUVENILE!
What does it say ? JUVENILE!!

Yeah!!! Yeah !!! Yeah!!!! Oooh!!! Ohhh!!Ohhh!
Goooooo Derrick Gooooo!! Go Derrick Go!
Go Derrick Go!! Derrick Go! Derrick Go!

Derrick was 18 when he had his first kiss. He thought that this was it! He threw his virginity out the window including his eight-dollar knickers from Bonds at the first sign of lust over a rather delectable 30-something beefcake. He has found the man of his dreams he thought and consequent images of a European vacation film-noired across his visual cortex like a rabbit in heat. Oh how romantic! He was in seventh heaven and nothing could take that moment away from him. Then someone pressed the rewind button and the tape got caught on repeat – the only thing he remembered was that awful screeching noise coming out of of his Denon speakers of needles grating over his much beloved Jackson 5 9-inch vinyl.

Of course many years have passed after discovering that relationships are not all cotton candy and what a load of croc that notion was. "Film noir my arse!", he thought. It has been 5 years since he last stepped out of his apartment feeling all randy and if that was his excuse, his reasons lashed out like a vengeance. In truth no matter how much he tries to deny it, he is and have always been his father’s son. Tonight was therefore ‘the’ night – he was going to get back on the playing field like an NBA reject and no ABBA revival was going to stop him.

Walking on grey tiles smeared with spew and discarded gum on Oxford St, he was not about to think whether he was spiralling down another cycle of self-indulgence. What has gay life to offer that which he had not experienced - a factory churning out cheap knockoffs of the real thing? A couple of drunks on a dirty sidewalk and metrosexuals waiting in line to get into the Clubs or the obvious presence of the XXX Club with its dim lighting – all these was again so exhilarating. Something new for the next few hours anyway and faces which has not been around the ferris wheel more than once – he had butterflies.

All around 18 year-olds to early 40s linger pass the bar while trying to strike a decent conversation - all beefed up on testosterone, hours in the gym. He knew the scent well. Derrick felt his form coming back to life, a new face after a long absence is always good currency for a night out and he was surely prepared to put it out to the needy tonight.

The mating ritual is rather demanding and so is the preparation. 2 hours in the shower, ½ an hour deciding on what to wear while blasting the music so that the neighbours know that you’re preparing for a knockout weekend and the endless chatter over the mobile to gather the posse, not forgetting the right cologne and making sure that the outfit's visual content are left a-sexual.

Most liberated gay men would consider this life a quantum leap but none can deny that they, in all their glory, was once a bi-product of Paddington. We can shun the place for what its worth but we can never refute our upbringing. There is rarely an excuse for turning 18 again and returning to that place we once left behind. 30 minutes into the drag, Derrick was no longer Derrick and everything again came to him in black and white.

Cheerleading I think signifies the true gay spirit – there is always that elusive and irreverent big picture that you want to communicate to your competitors plus you have an audience that is only interested in how you look and not what you have to say and last but not least after the big win, it is off to the showers to bang up the man of the match.


“Hi!, You here with your boyfriend? Haven’t seen you here before?” (J)

“No, Just with some friends and you?” (D)

“Well it’s the weekend and I’m hanging out with those guys over there. I’m over 18 if you’re wondering coz you know how it is with things…you need to be open about your age.” (J)

“What are you having?” (D)

“Beer. Let me just tell my friends that I’m on this side of the bar. I’ll be back. Anyway I’m John. You are?” (J)

Derrick’s head began to spin. It was intoxicating....

John was busy packing the bags into his Jeep Cherokee. It was the Christmas weekend of 2006 and come to think of it, it is their 10th Anniversary - looking forward to a break at the holiday house by the beach. He remembered how his youthful delusions have infact come to fruition - recalling how secret whispers from his buddies saying that everything was a big mistake this whole relationship business was. How he's too old, manipulative, poor, uncoordinated, a fashion faux pas and boring.

It took him awhile to get the glitter off his tight leather shorts which is now hanging on the back closet together with all those rather indiscreet club outfit. All is good and working towards paying off the mortgage was all that mattered and spending more time with the boys Skip and Dougie their 3-year old German Shepherd filled up most of his time. He took a moment resting against the car pulling a rather broad smile in quiet.

A loud voice then boomed across the garden and he knew that they were ready. The house was all locked up and they were good to go. The only thing left was to get the man into the car. " You got everything? Did you hear the alarm go off? The boys are all tucked in the backseat? Fishing gear, check! Ok we're off!"

Someone once told me that we always make stupid mistakes in the past and that going back is not the only direction one can take. I stood by my porch looking out thinking the same thing and there was John all giggling away with excitement dogs in tow waving goodbye and at that point in time everything fell into place.

"Derrick, you lucky bastard!"

Yeah!!! Yeah !!! Yeah!!!! Oooh!!! Ohhh!!Ohhh!
Goooooo Derrick Gooooo!! Go Derrick Go!
Go Derrick Go!!
Derrick Go!
Derrick Go!

I was never a very good cheerleader.